My intention for 2023 is the word Stable.
I can tell by the absence of writing in here, that I didn't acquire much stability in the last year. I started thinking about what stability means and what it looks like.
Initially I felt stable meant routine and consistency. I crave that. I imagine if I can just know where I'm going and what I'm doing, I won't feel so frantic, time will slow down, I can find time for stillness.
Reality hits when I realize that my life at this stage doesn't flow with routine. There are some things that are the same each week, but many things that are in flux. The ideation that some day things will clear up and schedules will settle is truly just a fantasy.
After a flurry of instability and exhaustion leading into the New Year, something about January and February became stable. It wasn't routine. I didn't end up going to the gym every Monday and Thursday like I imagined. There are still weekly events and projects that chip away or plow through any consistency.
Instead, I signed up for 2 courses, one was 4 weeks, one was 6. Even that consistency got blown up with a snow storm and a covid closure. Still, I had to be at a certain place at a certain time every week, and I paid for it. Both these courses were immensely nourishing to me. Both things are activities I can do on my own, without signing up for a class. How can I keep this going? How do I prioritize things that nourish me?
AGAIN I want to stick things on the schedule. Me, someone that can't even remember to take a vitamin every day, want's to try to force a routine.
Instead, I go back to the word stable.
1. Stable, as a place to live, a home. I love my home, I will use my word stable as a reminder that is where I want to prioritize my time. There are so many things I enjoy about home, as a collection of projects (neverending) as a place to share with my family, as a place to rest and relax. I want to remember that I want to be home, in my stable.
2. Stable from the words "to stand," or more closely, "a standing place." Close to the meaning of "steadfast" and "to make firm," but not quite. I wanted to make a lock-tight stability based routine. But now I want to make a standing place. (Or more-so a sitting place). At the beginning of each week I try to sit and perceive the week ahead. I write things down, in no particular order. I categorize some things, I have lists, I have sketches, I have whatever I can sense coming my way in activities, in ideas, in things I want to look up, things I want to let go. I write it all down, and I sit a little bit in my standing place. In my stable.
It's mid-march. January intentions are easily dissolved by this time of year, but even the forgotten ones can still be revived. A stable can continuously be built and abandoned and reconstructed. Here's how I think about building a mindful stable:
1. Clear a space, mentally to do the sitting (or standing).
Yes, it's optimal to do it the same time same day each week, but practice an abundance of forgiveness if that doesn't happen in your timeline of chaos.
2. Visualize your week (or day, or month)
This is the part where I like to write things down, but you don't need to! Simply bringing to mind what's happening, what's ahead, where is your head all helps. Let EVERYTHING come to you, don't push any thoughts aside, or think they aren't good enough for your stable.
3. Sit with it.
When you think pretty much everything has come through (or you wrote it all down). Just sit. Sit with your eyes closed, and don't try to do anything. Don't try to plan or coordinate or insist. Let all the ideas and schedules integrate and clear away. Give yourself a moment.
4. You're done!
You can do whatever you want with this sitting session. You can put parts of it in your to-do list or you can communicate relevant parts to others. You can burn it all in a ritual fire. Your stable is not in the writing or the ideas or the thoughts, it's in the sitting.
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Still just me: Kaitlynn.